Tales of the Bachelorette
by x-DragonSoul-x
Summary: In an effort to boost the networks ratings, Lezareno TV introduces a new show, "The Bachelorette." Company President Regal knows just the lass to star in the first season. Miss Raine Sage. A parody of the show. What's your favorite Raine-pairing?
1. Business Date

**Author Note: **Hello out there, had you thought I'd gone missing? I'm quite embarrassed to say that I haven't written much this summer, much less posted anything. Some writer I am, huh? But enough about my sorrows, you came to read this story.

A stupid crack-fic idea I had. Be forewarned, this story is neither serious, nor completely random. So if you love the show, _The Bachelorette_, read this, if you hate the show, read this. If you like Tales of Symphonia, why aren't you reading it already?

Oh yeah, because the **Disclaimer** is in the way: Ahem! **I don't own ToS, nor the Bachelor/Bachelorette series.**

Eugh... New story jitters. Well in any case I hope you read, enjoy and review.

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><p>Tales of the Bachelorette<br>A Tales of Symphonia Fanfiction

~**Chapter 1**

"Oh, allow me."

"You're such a gentleman."

"Only because I have such a beautiful lady."

Raine groaned, half-heartedly slurping from a glass of ice tea that she had ordered nearly a half hour ago as she spied on the happy couple from several tables away. The unsweetened beverage now stood in several puddles of condensation, the rings stamped into the table's pristine glass surface. She leaned far onto the table, propping her head up with her palm. Her straw rested at the ready, already in her mouth, as she continued to watch the couple.

He'd taken her coat and pulled her chair out for her. She, blushing, had slipped into the chair and complimented him on his manners. He, settling into his own chair in turn complimented her.

Raine was surrounded by scenes just like this. It was lunchtime at the Altamira Hotel café, a popular meeting place for young couples. The many fronds and leaves around the room basked in the noon sun that shone down in beams through the café's prism-like roof, setting the many fountains and waterfalls throughout aglow with the complete spectrum.

The people flocked like migratory love birds to this little paradise, all in pairs. Raine had to agree it was a rather romantic setting. Too bad the date she was waiting for was anything but a romantic one.

Her attention found its way back to the couple she'd seen enter. She noticed the man offer a portion of his food to the woman, who was looking at it in that certain way. Her fork hovered above the salad she'd ordered to preserve her image. Raine watched as he guided a spoonful into her mouth.

_Generous, he's doing well._

The rest of their meal consisted of a barrage of compliments, about her the color of her eyes, her beauty, her bell-like voice, he took her hands, the smoothness of her skin. She accepted all of these with a quiet giggle and the soft coloring of her cheeks.

_Blind compliments. He'll go far._

After the cleaned dish of their shared dessert was taken from the table, the woman brought out her purse, only to be stopped by the man. He was going to pay for their outing.

_Marry the man, already. _she mentally urged the woman.

The couple left, and a watery crackling signaled that Raine had drained her tea glass. She stared at the cold crystals that remained in distain.

She pondered calling the waiter to bring her a refill, but she noticed all the serving staff busily buzzing around the other couples that populated the café, seeing that their fairytale outings were just that. She didn't bother calling their attention to her lonesomeness.

She found more couples to watch, and pondered them. There was so much superficiality in the air, the way they talked to each other without ever really meeting. But it was _something_ Raine supposed, which was more than she'd ever had the pleasure of suffering through. But a strange feeling ran through Raine when she saw each new couple. Was it… jealously? No, she wasn't jealous of the two-dimensional relationships she saw sprouting here and there. No… it was something else.

"Oh, Raine! I'm so terribly sorry that I'm late."

Raine looked up, correcting her posture. Her "date," had arrived.

Regal approached her table and invited himself to sit down. He was preened and groomed, wearing a stylish business suit with his long blue hair tied in a braid. It wouldn't surprise Raine if he had prepared as if he really was going on a date. But Regal had told her when he'd contacted her that this was more of a "business proposition." She had no idea what that was supposed to mean.

"Again, I'm so sorry," he said, setting down a leather briefcase at his heel. "I was stuck in a business meeting that ran an hour over-schedule. I hope you'll forgive me."

"Of course," Raine answered flatly.

"Ah." He exhaled, as if he were out of breath, resting his arms on the table. After a moment he said, "I hope you've been well."

"I have," Raine said, continuing the idle pleasantries, "And you?"

"Busier than ever, I'm afraid. What with trying to pass global trade agreements and working towards peace efforts."

"Sounds very busy," Raine agreed, examining her empty tea glass. She shook it, hoping Regal might notice.

"Yes, well, comes with being Lezareno's President I suppose."

Raine had always regarded Regal as the most polite and proper member of their World Regeneration group. With any luck, his chivalry might kick in and he'd ask her if she wanted more tea. Not that Raine wasn't fully capable of getting it herself. But it was a sort of… experiment she'd formulated in her head.

"So tell me," he continued, "what have you been up too?"

"Same old, same old," Raine droned, swirling her glass.

"How is Genis doing in school? I heard he transferred to the Palmacosta Academy."

"My brother's grades are as pristine as usual," she replied mirthlessly, shaking her glass and trying to sip the last drops of moisture out through the straw, purposefully making it as noisy as she could. Regal just stared at her through the gurgling ice.

She soon ran out of lung capacity and smacked the glass back down on the table. "You wanted something?"

"Oh, yes, as a matter of fact…" Regal leaned under the table to retrieve her briefcase, leaving Raine to slouch forward in defeat. Why was he not taking the hint? She'd witnessed couples whose male counterparts would gladly give every stitch of cloth on their body if their dates appeared to be even one degree cooler than usual. They were at their every beck and call.

But then she reminded herself that his was not a traditional "date" and felt so stupid for having thought it was. She was beginning to seem desperate, even to herself. Why did she all of a sudden want this kind of attention? She'd done perfectly fine for the last 24 years of her life without a male counterpart. But, maybe it was time for a change…? No, she was perfectly fine the way she was! But… still…

As she tussled with her thoughts Regal's head reappeared and he set a packet of papers on the table. Raine struggled to quiet her mind enough that she could focus on the sheaf he pushed forward to her.

"What is it?" Raine asked, glancing down at the first page. She frowned when she read the header. Next to a small graphic of a rose, it said in swirling text "The Bachelorette."

"It's a synopsis of a new television show that scheduled to air on _Lezareno TV_ later this month," Regal supplied.

"Television," Raine repeated.

"Yes, it's a newer form of broadcasting that my company recently developed. Having a set in your home gives you access to all kinda of content beamed in through specialized waves."

"Fascinating," Raine mused.

Regal smiled. "It's caught on like wild fire in Tethe'alla, and we're working on making it more available in Sylvarant. We're also hoping to broaden our audiences." He tapped the sheaf of paper. "This was a new project agreed upon by our staff. We took up a vote to decide the first contestant and as it so happens I…"

Raine's eyes were already skimming through the page. A certain set of words caused her to stumble and backtrack. "'Reality romance series?'" she read aloud, perhaps louder than necessary.

"…I nominated you."

Raine looked up at him incredulously, not sure if she should feel grateful, outraged, or that pity had been taken upon her. Regal bowed sheepishly at her gaze.

"It was a very popular idea with the ladies of our staff. When I told them about you, they agreed you'd be the perfect candidate."

"In what way?" Raine's eyes narrowed, her voice was dangerously low. "What did you tell them about me?"

"Ah…" Regal's eyes shifted back and forth behind the reading glasses he'd slipped on, searching for a way out of that question. "Uh, you see, this premise is this:" he began hastily. "A woman is chosen to be the star for a season. The 'bachelorette.' A group of men is selected to be candidates. They stay in a beautiful mansion throughout the course of the season. Separately of course. The ultimate goal is that the woman were to build a connection with one of the men, and possibly build a relationship with that man." He smiled faintly. "Doesn't it sound-"

"Like a box of hamsters," Raine supplied dryly.

"Oh come now, Raine." Regal steepled his hands. "Be a little more open-minded. Here, read the summary on the sheet." He slid the sheaf closer to her until it nudged her sleeves folded at her chest.

Sighing, she gave into her the greater curiosity that she would not admit feeling at that point and continued skimming the page.

'"_The Bachelorette"_

_Lezareno TV - Channel 78_

_Reality Romance Series_

_Fifty minute episodes; one hour blocks allotted. _

_Approved episodes: 10_

_A series in which one lucky woman (interviewed and picked by staff) is chosen. Ten men, (interviewed and picked by staff) are also chosen. (Also works in reverse, though, "The Bachelorette" was agreed on for the first season) She and the guests are accommodated in a special mansion. During the course of the episodes they go on special "dates" some as a group and some one-on-one. At the end of each episode, a "Rose Ceremony" is held, in which the bachelorette awards a red, long stemmed rose to the men she wants to see stay another week. Only a certain number of roses are given, and decrease each time. The goal is to eliminate the men until only one remains. That man "wins" the Bachelorette, and they live happily ever after._

"Whoever writes your summaries," she told Regal, "fire him."

Regal sighed.

Raine just could not get over how incredibly tacky, and cheesy and… and _biased_ the show sounded. As if one could just appear on television and magically walk away with a true love by the end of it. How absurd!

Raine gazed up at Regal with cynical eyes. "Global trade agreements and peace efforts an yet your company still has time to put out this kind of nonsense?"

Regal sighed again. "Look, I know its not perfect," he spoke frankly, "but I urge you to give it a try. This could be a wonderful opportunity if only you'd open your mind up to it. How bad could it be?"

_He's right, _Raine realized in a deadpan, _I have absolutely nothing to lose. _

At this revelation something inside her began egging her on telling her to just do it, to see just how bad it could possibly be, daring her situation to become worse than it already was.

"Well, what do you say?" Regal asked.

Raine took a deep breath. "I'll do it."

Surprise flickered in Regal's eyes, as if he hadn't actually anticipated being able to make her accept. But soon they showed more with a gleam of satisfaction "Wonderful," he beamed.

Peeling back the pages of the packet before her reveled a long blank line. "I'll just need you to sign here then…"

The thought of sealing her deal with the devil with something so binding as a contract caused her to waver a moment. But she put her foot down and went on auto-pilot, taking the ridiculously expensive-looking pen Regal offered her and motoring through her signature, _Raine Sage,_ deciding she'd put off regretting it for later.

"And here," Regal flipped to another page. Raine staggered, but managed to sign her name again.

"And initial here."

_For God's sake!_

She only had to make a few more marks, but it was enough to make her have to rest her head in her palms and massage her temples as Regal replaced the documents in his briefcase.

_I'm going to regret this, aren't I?_

"Thank you Raine," Regal said enthusiastically, folding his reading glasses and tucking them into a case that he slipped into his bag. "I hope you won't regret it."

Raines eyes snapped open. _'Hope?' What do you mean 'you hope'?_

"Oh, it appears you're out of iced tea," Regal noted, glancing at the glass of half-melted ice cubes. "Would you like another glass?"

In silence, she rolled her head back and stared at the sky a moment through the glass roof. She took a deep breath and rolled her head forward again. Meeting Regal's eyes again, she nodded, smiling. He called the waiter over and got her a fresh glass, filled to the brim, and as Raine noticed, it never tasted so sweet.

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><p><strong>Author Note: <strong>So if you liked this idea, and want to see what comes next, let me know with reviews. No, this is not some stupid GET REVIEWS plot. ...Well actually it kind of is but, anyway! I'm actually stacking up and comparing reviews between this and another story, and the one that gets the most gets updated first. I need all the encouragment I can get people. Even if you don't like it, tell me WHY. I'm hoping to scrape out a bit of a career in writing (someday) so even if you want to flame me, do it, I dare you! I want any feedback I can get! (Though constructive criticism makes me happiest)

^ Nobody reads these things, do they.


	2. Dress for Success

**Author Note: **What's this? An update? And within a week of the original post? (With an hour and a half to spare.) What madness is this?

I was right, the reviews actually helped. I want to specifically name and thank **ThePurpleRose**and **Jagsrule5, **the first two reviewers. Not only did reading their reviews put me in the mood to write more and subsequently actually _write_ more, but because of this, I have all these warm fuzzy feelings of accomplishment for actually having updated in a more or less timely fashion. This is a big deal for me!

This week I wanna know how you feel about the length, too long of a chapter, too short? This is longer than I usually write them, so let me know what you think.

So without further ado, please read, enjoy and review.

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><p><strong>~Chapter 2<strong>

"Ooh! Look at this one! Isn't it pretty? It'll be perfect, Raine!"

"Look at all of them! This is so fun!"

"Hey! I found one too! Try this one on!"

"I found one that should be suitable as well…."

Raine grimaced as more brightly colored wads of fabric were shoved in her face, stifling a sneeze at the heavy department store new-clothes-smell.

"Ladies, please! One at a time!" she barked, her voice muffled by the fine fabric.

Four sets of hands withdrew their offerings. Raine sat on a dreadfully uncomfortable bench hidden inside a forest of clothes racks. Her arms were folded as she eyed her four companions and their loads critically.

Marta, Colette, Sheena and Presea stood at attention, all presenting various colorful and gaudy dresses for Raine's appraisal. Her eyes swept down the line. In turn she said, "No. Nope. Never. Nada."

Their faces turned from hopeful puppy-dog expressions to disappointment in a flash. All except Presea, who mechanically went about replacing the dress and searching for another.

Marta stood indignant. "Why not Raine? This dress is perfect!" She gave the bundle she was carrying an emphatic shake. "Try it on! _Please_?"

Raine refused to even picture herself wearing the fuchsia pink mini-dress dripping in ribbons that Marta presented to her. She doubted she'd even be able to fit in it, as it looked like Marta had picked it out in her own size.

"No."

Pursing her lip, Marta turned heel and reentered the forest of dresses.

Raine, having been told along the way that she had no fashion sense whatsoever, sat in the wings, issuing orders like a taskmaster.

She'd recruited all her female friends to help her pick out a new dress. When she grudgingly told them what it was for, she was bombarded by girlish squeals and congratulations, her friends apparently already in the know of the upcoming production. What came after was an absurd amount of enthusiasm. Marta had all but dragged Raine to her favorite dress shop, a gaudy little boutique in Meltokio called "Le Cherimoya," and the girls buzzed about, trying to find that perfect dress for Raine's upcoming role.

"I'm just so happy for you!" Sheena prattled, sifting through dress after dress. "You must be so excited!"

"Yes…." Raine mumbled.

"'_The Bachelorette'_ sounds like a really fun show!" Colette chirped. Apparently Marta had biased all their opinions by flashing a Tethe'allan entertainment magazine under their noses. She read those things religiously.

Tethe'allan culture never ceased to amaze Raine. The things they read, the things they watched- the new television craze had the country in a stranglehold. Even this little dress shop. Everything was a bright, obnoxious shade of neon-this and electric-that, and precipitated sequins with the slightest touch. Even the way they were worn; to Raine's horror, it seemed that they actually charged more for _less_ fabric.

She'd scarcely tried on a single dress the entire outing; she'd been too afraid to.

"Well, maybe if you told us what you're looking for, we'd be able to find something," Sheena suggested.

Raine glanced around the store once more at all the gaudy little dresses. "Something… more _conserved."_

"Oh come on Raine!" Marta emerged from behind another clothes rack, to Raine's horror, arms overflowing with more to-be-rejected outfits. "This is no time to be conservative. You have to _stand out_ if you want to be noticed. Show it off a little." There was a certain gleam in her eyes as she said this. Raine blanched. Was this really how young girls thought?

She felt old.

"You need something like this!" Marta held up a flashy green cocktail dress. Raine knew she was just trying to help but just looking at it made her feel that she and Marta were galaxies apart when it came to fashion sense or even their opinion about attracting men.

"It is Raine's choice what she wears." Presea saved Raine another curt refusal.

Marta was about to defend herself when Sheena added, "I agree."

Their combined stares forced Marta to back down. "Fine. We can pick a bori- _conserved _dress."

"Thank you," Raine breathed.

Sheena smiled in return. "Well, to start off with," she said, "what color should we look for?"

Again, Raine had no preference, but she new it would be better to start them off with something before…

"Pink," Marta said at once. "Pink is a girl's best friend."

"I don't know, Marta, I'm not sure if she'd look good in pink," Sheena pointed out thoughtfully. "I think she'd look better in… purple."

From a vantage point about a foot lower than the others, Presea murmured, "Black is always flattering…."

"It should be all sorts of colors!" Colette chirped. "She's sure to get noticed that way!"

…they went off into another tangent. Raine sighed; she'd stalled a second too long, and now the girls were arguing among themselves about colors.

"What are you talking about, pink looks good on any girl!"

"Black looks good on anyone, regardless of gender…."

"I just think purple would look _best_ on her."

"Rainbows!" Raine closed her eyes. Clearly, bringing them was a mistake. It would obviously be easier, quicker and much, much _quieter_ to leave it up to chance. She tilted her head and opened her eyes. Standing up, she crossed the floor and put her hand on the first dress she saw. She bought it not soon after.

A few days later, Raine stood over her bed at her home in Iselia, adding a few last minute things to her suitcase; it already looked like it was being packed for a week long expedition in the Fooji Mountains.

At least, this was Genis' opinion. He sat on his bed with his feet dangling off, watching Raine pack. He'd grown up with his sister' near-obsessive compulsive need to pack everything-and-the-kitchen-sink when going on trips. It was really annoying, and always made her late for wherever she was going.

But Genis would never think of expressing his opinion. He'd been proven wrong too many a time, when one of the absurd things Raine had decided to pack had ended up being really useful, even saving their lives.

So he kept his mouth shut at watched her pack.

"You're sure you'll be fine by yourself? I can arrange for you to stay at the Brunels'…" his sister prattled on.

"Sis," Genis said frankly, "you were planning on leaving me home alone during the World Regeneration Journey, and that was 3 years ago. I'm 14-years-old now, I'll be fine."

"Alright, alright. But if you need anything, you can ask Frank." She added a few bottles of organic hair conditioner and several cure-all lotions, enough to last her half a year. "Ah, there's some chicken and some vegetables in the mana-cooler, and some bread in the cupboard. You could probably make some-"

Genis stopped her right there. "_Never,_ instruct me how to cook, Raine."

Raine paused for a second. "…Fair enough," she conceded. She threw a length of rope into her suitcase and Genis rolled his eyes as she went rummaging the closets for something else. She returned with a self-inflatable life-preserver.

Genis quirked an eyebrow. "Where did you say you were going again?"

"Mmm…" Raine muttered, stuffing the package into her already over-flowing suitcase. "Business trip."

"And you really need a-" _Oh never mind._

Raine straightened up and exhaled, having successfully wedged the life-preserver under several layers of clothes, her new dress, in a protective wrapper, included, and next to a carefully bubble-wrapped field-chemistry set.

"Alright," she breathed. Once again she turned to her brother. "Now, while I'm gone, I want you to get to bed on time every night- I don't want to hear that you've been staying up all night playing games with Lloyd- and I want you to do all of the homework that your substitute gives you. And I-"

"First of all, sis. I go to the Palmacosta Academy now, and in case you've forgotten, it's the middle of summer."

"Oh, yes…."

Genis hopped off the bed and approached his sister. "Have you been feeling alright, Raine?" He looked up at her with a very serious look. "You're acting all… weird today. Well, weirder than usual…."

"I'm fine Genis," she said brushing some of her hair out of her face. A small smile curved her lips. "Thank you for your concern.

"Now, help me get this suitcase closed, will you?" She attempted to shut the lid, but it came to a rest at a 75 degree angle. Raine pursed her lips. "Sit on it," she ordered her brother.

He did so, and managed to cut it down to 45 degrees.

"What have you got in here?" Before she could stop him, Genis dug his hand into her suitcase. His hand brushed against something bulky and metallic. He dragged it out from the suitcase's bowels. The metal contraption landed on the floor with a hearty crash.

Genis stared at it, incredulous. "_A waffle iron_?" His open-mouth gaze passed to his sister. "What on _earth_ do you need a _waffle iron_ for?"

Red faced, Raine knelt down to gather up the battered breakfast-making machine. "I was-" she began, "I was thinking of trying a new recipe…."

"You know what? No. I don't even _want_ to know." Genis turned around, nearly as red-faced as his sister.

"It just needs a bit of organization, that's all." She plunked the waffle iron back in and began rearranging its contents.

"What? You're keeping it in there?"

Raine gave him the look.

"Alright. Now sit on it." With their combined weights and a healthy dose of luck, they were able to zip the bag three-quarters of the way around, not without hearing a sickening cracking sound, but they were not about to investigate after all the work it took to finally close it.

While they lay sprawled on the bed, catching their breath after the ordeal, there was a knock at the door.

Raine got up and opened the door to find a blue-haired business man, dressed significantly more casual than their last meeting. "Regal," she observed. "So you're my escort?"

He smiled in greeting. "I thought it would be more courteous to send a familiar face. May I come in?"

"Yes, of course."

Genis noticed the new comer. "Regal? Now I'm really confused; where are you going?"

Regal was about to open his mouth, but Raine cut him off before any sound came out. "Regal invited me to… accompany him for a certain… business expo…."

Genis did not look convinced, but he let it go.

"Which reminds me, we should go soon, right Regal?" she added hastily.

"Uh, alright," was Regal's flustered response.

"Okay." Genis got up and wrapped his arms around his sister's midsection. "I love you, sis."

"I love you too, Genis." She gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

"See you later."

"Be good." And with that, Raine and Regal exited the house.

After they left, Genis waited several minutes, and checked out the window. When he was sure they were gone he crossed the room to the _manaphone_ on the counter, a new Lezareno device that they'd recently gotten. He dialed in the code that corresponded to the one at Lloyd's house.

"Yeah? Hello?" Lloyd's voice was slurred and drowsy. It occurred to Genis that it was earlier than his friend usually woke up.

"Lloyd? Hey, listen. Raine's not here. Wanna come over to my house? I can freeze the pond and we can go ice skating again."

Lloyd yawned. "Sorry Genis. I gotta… I got somewhere I gotta go. Sorry."

"Oh." Genis pursed his lips. "Well, uh, another time then."

"Sorry, Genis."

He hung up the receiver, and went over to sit on the bed. He folded his arms and glanced around the room, trying to find something to keep him occupied and finding nothing, sighed. "Staying home alone is going to be no fun."

Once outside, Raine let the gargantuan suitcase fall to the ground with a _thud_ and a plume of dust.

Regal turned to her. "You didn't tell him where you were going, did you?"

"No, no I did not." Raine tried to act proud of this decision.

"You're not embarrassed about it, are you?"

Regal had nailed it right on the head, not that Raine would ever admit it. "Of course not."

But Regal saw through this. "There's nothing to be embarrassed about Raine. I was at the set earlier today. It looks like its coming along very nicely."

"Joy," Raine sighed. "Let's just get going already." She gripped the handle of the suitcase and gave it a heave.

"Oh please, allow me." Regal offered another glimpse of his classic chivalry.

Raine stepped aside, hiding a subtle, knowing grin. "Go right ahead."

Regal was smiling until he stooped down and got a feel for the weight of the thing. With a brow furrowed in confusion at the bag's unexpected weight, and grunting as he tried to heft the thing, Regal managed to finagle the suitcase over his shoulder with much difficulty. "What's _in_ here?" he murmured.

Raine began walking down the road. "A waffle iron."

"A _what?"_

Their chosen mode of transportation was the new-fangled _Sky Carriages, _yet another new idea churned out by the Lezareno Group to make everyone's lives better. They were like Dragon Carriages, only fully automated on lightning and wind mana, and with a carrying capacity superior to those of Dragon Carriages, basically Rheairds for about 40 people.

The closest _Sky Port_ was a decent half-hour's walk from the Sage's house, a walk Regal did not enjoy. There was great relief on his face when he handed off the bag to the poor sap in the bright blue uniform who was in charge of loading the Carriage's luggage.

While she had never ridden in one before, Raine was just thankful that their commute did not include any boat rides or ocean-crossing.

After a quick and rather comfortable trip, they touched down in their destination.

"Meltokio?" Raine inquired when disembarking. "I thought we'd be going to Altamira."

"The television network headquarters is in Altamira, yes," Regal said from behind her, "but the set is in Meltokio."

At the terminal, the same boy in the bright blue uniform who had taken their luggage, graciously granted them a wheeled cart to carry Raine's suitcase. They thanked him and went on their way.

It was, of course, no help when confronted with the stairs they had to climb. Regal employed the help of several young men standing nearby, tipping them handsomely when the task was complete. Recognizing that it was the woman's bag, the young men gave Raine the expression one might give an asylum inmate, but their eyes brightened at the handful of gald and they left without another word. "So where is this elusive set?" Raine asked, adding to the sound of their footsteps and the one wheel on the cart in need of oil. "We've been walking for awhile now."

"Oh, you'll see."

"Just tell me, would you?"

"You'll see."

Raine's anticipation turned into an uncanny sinking feeling as the long walk suddenly became familiar. They turned down a cobble street next to the castle, Raine knowing their journey was near an end. "No. No, its not… You don't mean…."

They approached the posh mansion of a nobleman; Regal approached the door and knocked.

"No, there must be a mistake."

The door swung open. "Yo. How you doing, beautiful?" the redhead that stood in doorway cooed. "…and hey, Regal."

"The 'beautiful mansion' in the summary… is _Zelos' Mansion?"_

Zelos smiled broadly. "Aw, its nice of you to say so, hunny; it is kind of a nice place isn't it?" He turned an looked on his house with pride.

A strained and mirthless laugh fell out of Raine's mouth. She quickly turned her back and yanked Regal's collar. "I did not know _anything_ about this!" she hissed.

"I'm sorry Raine," Regal said, sensing her tone. "Is there a problem?"

"A problem!" Another derisive laugh cackled out. "Oh, of course not! Nothing's wrong with sleeping in Zelos' house while filming a '_reality romance series_!'"

Regal bit his lip for a moment. "I understand your concern."

"Oh, do you?"

"…but I assure you I've had a talk with Zelos about… such things, and have the utmost confidence in his word. And he was gracious enough to volunteer the use of his home. We've been having a bit of a, ah, funding problem, as of late…"

"Funding?" Raine fumed. "_Funding?"_

"Raine, calm down." Regal placed his hands on her shoulders. "Please. It won't be that bad, just give it a shot."

The look Raine was giving Regal was anything but calm.

Regal hung his head. "I'm sorry Raine. I didn't want to have to play this card, especially so early but," he looked at her with steely seriousness, "you did sign a contract."

Raine's eyes narrowed. "I hate you," she glowered.

Regal clapped her on the shoulder. "I know."

They both turned back to their 'host' who had been distracted long enough by his narcissism not to have noticed the little spat. "Well what're we hanging out around here for? I'll give you the grand tour! We've made some modification for the new show!" He winked in Raine's direction.

Raine took a strained breath and put on a smile. "Lead the way, Zelos."

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><p><strong>Author Note: <strong>Hope this amuses you. Next chapter, we'll get to meet the "contestants." Who could they possibly be? Stay tuned! ;)


	3. First Meeting Or Not

**Author Note: **Goodness, has it really been over a month since I updated this? I feel so bad, I seriously did not mean to leave it for that long. Especially on that "cliff hanger..." I'm gonna use the oldest excuse in the book: school

Yes school. You college kids and highschoolers reading this know exactly what I'm talking about, you middle schoolers reading this, oh, you can't possibly imagine. And you elementary schoolers... I'm just not sure what I think of you reading my story...

Anyway, here's the new chappie! Finally! And I kinda freaked myself out. Nearly 5,000 words, that's what this one is. In fact, if I hadn't promised the introduction of the contestants in this chapter, I'd've probably split this into two chapters.

This one goes out to my buddy E.C. (do you mind if I call you that?) Thanks for your encouragement. I hope the new chappie pleases you, it being extra long and stuff.

And for the rest of you readers, heres a game you can play, each contestant has a description before they're named, see if you can guess who they all are. Kudos to you if you get them all right.

And in Bachelor(ette)/ heck, all reality tv, fashion, there are little "interview" type paragraphs in there too.

This is waaaaaay too long to make an author note. So go read it already!

* * *

><p><strong>~Chapter 3<strong>

Raine stood on the balcony of her appointed suite, admiring the mid-afternoon sun's gaze sliding through the trees and dancing the in the fountain below. It had been several hours since she'd arrived at Zelos' mansion, and she was enjoying her newly found freedom to its fullest degree.

When she'd first set foot in the house, she was immediately whisked through its many ornately decorated hallways, to each posh and spacious room. Zelos seemed to delight in showing her every nook and cranny of his newly remodeled home.

The add-ons were minor. Some new wallpaper here, some gaudy statue of a plump cherub there. It seemed he'd spent the most on the gardens, through which he'd taken Raine and Regal, naming off every flower as it came to his mind.

Raine hunched forward further over the balcony. _Dear Origin_ her feet hurt. Raine had underestimated just how big the Wilder home really was. Sure, they'd rested there a few times during the World Regeneration Journey, but she'd never really comprehended its grandeur.

But it made for a painfully long tour, and Raine had stolen away to the room Sebastian the butler directed her to before being forced to explore the eastern wing, leaving Regal to the mercy of Zelos' loud mouth.

The suite itself was rather nice; it was spacious, with a large, four-poster bed, an adjoining bathroom and doors on the far-wall suggesting a garden overlook.

But upon entry, one was assaulted with a smog of roses. The usually pleasant aroma wafted up from the sea of rose petals dumped throughout the entire room, rising to a stifling odor. Raine had immediately crossed the lava pool of red petals to open up the balcony doors and let the pleasant afternoon zephyr carry away the gaudy stench.

Raine waited on the balcony for the room to clear out before she turned to again brave the room. The smell was greatly diminished, but still present.

A red sea parted under her suitcase as she drug it across the room. She dusted some petals off the comforter and hefted the bag onto the bed. She began putting things away, settling in.

When she entered the bathroom she found it too polluted with petals, even in the toilet, which made her cringe. She also found a note written in lipstick on the mirror, _Welcome Bachelorette! _

She wasted no time producing the glass cleaner she'd managed to fit in her suitcase and scrubbing the greasy words off the mirror. Such a waste of makeup, she thought. Not that she was much of a judge, she didn't often wear makeup and never in excessive amounts. She was more into a natural beauty approach, or at least that's what she kept telling herself.

Her task complete and all her possessions stored away, she spied a conveniently placed bowl of red fruit resting on the vanity. She was famished and gratefully reached for one. With her mouth full, she groaned, realizing that they were all _passion fruit._

There was a swift knock at the door. Raine scarfed down the rest of the fruit and went to answer it, expecting it to be Sebastian again.

Instead she found Seles, Zelos' younger sister, flanked by her butler Tokunaga, standing at her door.

"Why, hello Seles."

"Hullo," the younger Wilder said in a low voice.

Raine smiled. "I've spent the entire morning being dragged around this house and I had yet to see you. How have you been."

"Same as usual," was her curt reply. "Are you all settled in?"

"For the most part," Raine replied.

"Good, you're wanted in hair and makeup."

"Hair and…" Raine blanched.

"And bring you're dress too," she added, "she'll want to see it."

Raine slowly turned, "Ah… sure." She went to fetch the dress.

Seles leaned forward a bit, peering through the door. "Oh God, he really did have them put rose petals in your room."

Raine returned. "This was Zelos' idea?"

"Yeah." Seles let out a snicker. "He mentioned it over breakfast this morning; I didn't think he'd actually have someone do it."

Raine closed the door, casting one last glare at the blooming room. "I really wish he hadn't."

"So do I."

With Raine in tow, Seles turned and drifted down the hallway, Tokunaga, in his black suit, like a shadow following in their footsteps.

Seles threw her hands behind her head as she walked, careful not to disturb the large yellow hat that rested upon it. "That's just what I need, a bunch of strange people coming into the house, smelling it up with flowers. My allergies…"

"I'm sorry that this whole television business is such a burden on you," Raine said with a hint of guilt.

"Oh you're fine Raine, I don't mind you. I rather enjoy your company" Seles rolled her head aside and gave Raine a knowing look. "But if I were you, I'd be more concerned for myself."

"How do you mean," Raine asked, unnerved.

"Well, I can just stay in my room the entire time, while _you_ have to hang out with these loonies all day." She turned ahead once again. "You'll see."

"I guess I will see, won't I?"

A few more turns down the lavish halls saw them standing in front of a plain white door. Seles went in.

"Big brother, I brought her like you asked."

Inside, to Raine's annoyance, was Zelos sitting in a purple salon chair. He rose as they entered. "Ah! There's the Cool Beauty, now." He flashed her a smile, and Raine almost laughed out loud when she saw that he had tin foil and various pins and clips woven into his hair.

Beside him stood a thin black woman, grinning and looking expectant. Her purple ringlets of hair formed a small globe around her head. Zelos indicated her with a flourish "Raine, I'd like you to meet Astrid. She's the stylist. Astrid, meet…" He motioned dramatically, "the Bachelorette."

"Oh my gosh, this is her?" Astrid beamed. "She's so _cute!_"

Raine forced an uncomfortable smile onto her lips.

"Isn't she though?" Zelos nodded his agreement, casting a suave smirk Raine's way. Whether or not he actually thought Raine would find this charming was unknown.

Before Raine realized what was happening she felt two gentle but forceful sets of hands on her shoulders, guiding her towards the purple salon chair set in front of a mirror. She found that the hands belonged to the both the Wilder siblings.

"Seles…!" Raine's voice was high and agitated, like a cat before water.

"Sorry, Raine," the younger Wilder said. "You did sign a contract."

Raine swore, remembering the line's previous use. She made faint protest before Zelos and Seles pushed her into the chair.

"Where is the Oh So Revered company president anyway?" she griped, resituating herself. "Doesn't he have some important role in this production."

"Oh, he does," Zelos said, settling down into another salon chair adjacent to Raine's. "He's somewhere else getting ready."

Astrid slid over to the redhead, her fingers already expertly unweaving the clips and tinfoil. "I'll just finish you up quick so I can get started on Raine's makeover," she told him. Zelos sat perfectly posed, as if this were a regular occurrence for him.

Raine pressed on. "Is Regal the 'host' or some such?"

"Oh, no, Raine. You'll see later on." A mischievous smile creased Zelos' profile under his cowl of tin foil. "You see, _I'm_ the host."

"You're-"

"Yep. Its me." He chuckled a bit. "It is my house after all."

"_Our,_ house, big brother," Seles corrected him. "Remember, you signed over part of the deed to me when I moved here."

"Oh, right, of course."

Raine was chewing on her lip, awaiting her turn.

Astrid continued to work on Zelos' long red tresses of hair. "The only problem with being the host is that I don't get to look my best." He nodded to Astrid. "I mean, of course you make me look drop-dead gorgeous, hunny, its just they won't let me wear what I want to." He looked back over to Raine. "Believe me, if I was a contestant, there'd be no contest." He winked.

Raine buried her face in her shoulder.

"And, you're all done!" Astrid chirped. Zelos stood and gazed at his reflection.

"Wonderful as ever!" He exchanged smiles with Astrid and began crossing the room to the door. "I'll be getting out of your hair now, no pun intended."

Zelos set Raine's chair spinning before reaching the exit. "Work your magic on her, Astrid!" he said.

The spinning room came to an abrupt stop. Astrid stood before Raine, brushes, combs lipstick and tubes of mascara laced between her fingers like ninja weaponry. "I can't wait!" she grinned.

Raine felt uneasiness rise in her throat. The way her plum-colored eyes seemed to sparkle was unsettling.

Seles retrieved the box that Raine had deposited upon entry. "This is her dress," she drawled, proffering it to Astrid.

The stylist's face lit up as she scooped up the formal package. "Oh how gorgeous! What a pretty color!" She ran her fingers through the material and held it up to the light. Her eyes flicked back and forth from Raine to the dress several times before she neatly placed it back in the box.

She gave a little huff, still beaming widely. "I'm inspired now!" she announced. She glided over to her client and placed her hands on Raine's shoulders. They conversed through the mirror.

"Alright Raine," she said, beginning to toss her silvery hair. "Paint me a picture of the perfect you. The you you've never had the time, money or resources to create."

"I think I look fine the way I am," Raine muttered.

"Of course you do, you're beautiful, Raine!" she said, guiding a brush through Raine's hair. "You're skin is so fair and smooth, and this silky hair of yours is to die for! My job is to make you look the best that you possibly can, and make you feel good about yourself!" She paused her strokes. "That sound okay?"

She certainly seemed passionate about her job, Raine concluded. She supposed she was warming up to Astrid a bit. The butterflies in her stomach had quieted some. "Give it a shot, I guess."

Later that evening, the time of the infamous event arrived. Raine stood, as instructed, at the beginning of the walkway that lead up to the Wilder mansion. There, she was told, she would wait and greet the contestants as they arrived. A young man with spiky hair, the camera technician, was set up a ways away, fiddling with his lenses and other filming equipment.

In the growing darkness of dusk, Raine was lit from behind by the soft glow of porch light above the mansion's door. It caught and shone like moonlight in her smartly styled hair and glistened on the conservative amount of body glitter that Astrid had insisted upon.

Her silvery blue eyes were framed by a pretty face, dusted with makeup without looking like she was wearing any at all.

And her dress, the turquoise and white materials of a few different shades cascaded to her feet in individual sheaves. The midriff was an aqua silk, and there was a loop that tied around her neck. It was a cool night, and the dress had no sleeves, so Seles had loaned Raine a white knitted wrap to ward off the cold.

Raine had to say she was impressed with her appearance, though she regarded her reflection as a different person from herself.

"Well, its almost time." Zelos had appeared beside her. He wore a simple black suit with a matching tie, and his hair was pulled back into a conservative braid. "See, I told you they made me look boring," he said, flaunting his new look.

Raine only smiled.

"Now, I'm gonna be in the house welcoming the guests, so you'll be on your own out here. But don't worry, you'll do fine. I mean," he chuckled, "what's the worst that could happen?"

Raine suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of foreboding.

"Hey, what's with that look?" Zelos placed a hand on her shoulder. "I'll be fine." A clatter in the distance turned both of their heads.

"Looks like the first car is here. I have to go. Good luck!" He dashed up the steps and into the house.

Raine watched the carriage roll up the lane, and felt her entire body go tense again. She took a deep breath and let it hiss out. "This is so stupid," she muttered.

The carriage came to a stop, the door opened and out stepped a navy blue boot. A man emerged, tall, wearing a white and red outfit, similar to military formal wear, and a dark blue cape hanging from his shoulders. His long cobalt hair trailed in a loose ponytail.

Raine's mouth went dry. "Yuan?" she stammered "You're here?"

"Hello, Raine," he said languidly. "Yes, I'm here."

"Ah." Raine was speechless. She had not expected anyone she knew to show up, and the shock of a familiar face rendered her unable to think of anything to say.

* * *

><p>Yuan Ka-fai - 30<br>Landscape Tender  
>Asgard<p>

**Yuan:** Things like this are embarrassing. And I don't want to embarrass myself, or Raine. I like Raine, she's fine, I just don't want to be here right now. I should be at home tending to the tree… But that agent man they sent… he's very… persuasive.

* * *

><p>"Lets just get this over with as quickly and painlessly as possible," Yuan sighed. He turned heel and headed up the walkway without another word.<p>

Raine swallowed, not sure if she felt annoyed or relieved that he had left so abruptly. She had barely a moment to collect her thoughts before another carriage arrived.

A spare young man slipped out of the cab and cautiously shut the door. He adjusted his glasses and approached Raine, a shy smile on his face. He wore a homely green sweater and khaki pants, and his blue hair was tossed in a boyish style.

"Hello, Professor Sage. Em- Miss Sage. Raine," he stammered. "It's good to see you again."

"Linar." Raine found herself smiling. His was a familiar face, but one she'd not seen in awhile. She found she was much more comfortable in Linar's company than the previous contestant's. "Its good to see you too. How have you been?"

"Good. I've been… wanting to see you again for awhile now. Um," he held up something he'd been holding, "these are for you."

Raine took the small bouquet of simple gray flowers he offered her. "Oh, how sweet of you," she said.

* * *

><p>Linar Van Spoelendal - 21<br>Scholar  
>Asgard<p>

**Linar: **I've always had a deep admiration of Professor Sage. She's such an inspiration to me. So when the man in the suit told me about this opportunity, I became excited to see Miss Sage again.

* * *

><p>"Those are <em>ashelias Asgardias,<em>" he informed her, indicating the flowers. "You can dry the petals and put them in your tea. They're good for runny noses, and upset stomachs, and fevers. You can put them in you bath too…" He suddenly flushed red. "Um, I'll, ah, see you inside then." And he ducked away towards the mansion's door.

Raine set the flowers behind her. "That was awkward," she decided.

On the heels of the last carriage, a new one approached. This man wasted no time getting out. The man rose to his full height and gave his long rusty-crimson hair a toss. Angled frames sat upon his nose, but unlike Linar, who also wore glasses, this man exuded an air of authority and self-assuredness. His stylish dark suit was neatly pressed and much care was put into his appearance.

"Raine," the man said as he approached.

"Richter?" she cried. "How are you here?"

* * *

><p>Richter Abend - 21<br>Researcher  
>Sybak<p>

**Richter: **I'm told that man in black can find anyone anywhere. I don't mind though. Any place would be more interesting than where I have been for the last year.

* * *

><p>"Don't worry about it," he said. "I trust the world is in no worse a mess than when I left."<p>

"The world's fine," Raine told him. "But how are you-"

"I'll see you inside." He strolled casually to the door of the mansion.

Raine watched him leave in astonishment, someone she never thought she'd see again. And what's more, it seemed that he had returned to participate in is silly little production. How had the ones in charge managed that? Wasn't the entire balance of the world dependant on Richter being at the Ginnungagap? Wasn't-

As if to tell her that no one cared about her opinion on the matter, the next carriage pulled up with a screeching halt. Almost before it had stopped the next contestant barreled out.

"We're doing this!" he said. "Whether you like it or not!"

The young man straightened and regarded Raine with cool red eyes. He was dressed casually in white and blue, despite his display thus far. A blond cowlick danced upon his head as he approached.

"Hey, Raine," he said, very blasé. "The kid's too scared to talk to you, so I-" Suddenly his entire demeanor changed, and his voice rose to a sharp cry. "I'll do it!"

The more confident ego wrenched control away from the other. "No, you'll say something stupid. Let me handle it."

Raine's eyebrow rose. "Emil and Ratatosk I take it?"

"What's up?" Ratatosk said. "Say hello, Emil."

"Hello."

Raine could not imagine how confusing or downright silly they must have looked in the camera's eyes. She pinched the bridge of her nose, and shook off a chuckle in spite of herself. "But why are you here? Both of you. What about Marta? What about…?"

* * *

><p>Emil Castagnier - 18<br>Monster Rancher  
>Palmacosta<p>

**Emil: (To those more in the know, Ratatosk: ) **I just wanted the kid to see what kind of things he's missing before he ties the knot with that girl, Marta. I know he's going to eventually, may as well get out a bit before. She doesn't exactly know about this either so… yeah. This probably isn't the best way to teach the kid a lesson, but it'll work. Beats what I was going to be doing for the next thousand years.

* * *

><p>Raine added in a lower tone, "Just so you know, before you, I saw-"<p>

"Richter? Yeah, I know he's out. Notice I'm out too?" He waved his hand in dismissal. "Don't ask us how we got it to work though. Way too complicated. Say good-bye, Emil."

"Um, bye Raine. Sorry for the whole-"

"We're going now."

The blond boy(s?) stomped off towards the mansion doors. Raine cast an apologetic look to the camera. She wonder if any amount of editing would enable that conversation to make any sense to the general public.

Soon the next carriage and the next contestant strolled up. Raine's face turned just as red as the young man's outfit when she saw him. The spiky haired brunet rubbed his face with a gloved hand before proceeding ever-cautiously. "Hello, ah, professor."

"Lloyd?" Raine said, aghast.

* * *

><p>Lloyd Irving - 20<br>Craftsman  
>Iselia<p>

**Lloyd:** Um, yeah… Raine was kinda my teacher. Back in school. So this is… this is a little weird.

* * *

><p>Raine folded her arms stoically, beginning to recover. "Mr. Irving, I find this a little inappropriate," she told him.<p>

"I know," Lloyd agreed, his eyes not able to travel anywhere but the dirt. "I didn't want to come, but they… They _forced_ me! They have this secret agent guy, he's absolutely _terrifying_ and he-"

"Young man, I will accept no excuses!" she chided. It was as if they had gone back in time to Lloyd's school days. "Now undoubtedly you are under some kind of contract just as I am, so I want to you to go to the manor right now. I'll decide your punishment later after this whole ordeal is over."

"Yes, ma'am." Lloyd turned, head hung low, and drug his feet up the stairs.

When he had reached the top Raine heard a deep melodious chuckle. "How delightful."

She turned to find that the next contestant had already arrived, as if he had appeared out of the dusky shadows. It was a man she did not recognize. Tall and willowy, with incredibly pale skin and mischievous narrow eyes of a dark ochre color. He was dressed completely in purple, a fine amethyst suit that had a sort of otherworldly quality. His longish black hair was the only unruly quality about him.

"A new face?" Raine muttered to herself.

"Oh, no my dear. We have met before. Under different circumstances of course. I am not surprised you don't recognize me in this form."

Raine stared at the newcomer in puzzlement for a moment before something clicked in her brain. Her mouth opened an closed like a fish before she pulled it into a knowing smirk. "I supposed I shouldn't be surprised at what a marvelous shapeshifter you are, Tenebrae."

Tenebrae smiled coyly; giving a little bow. "You flatter me."

* * *

><p>Tenebrae Penumbra - 30<br>President of a prestigious club  
>Temple of Darkness<p>

**Tenebrae: **(deep chuckling, accompanied by a darkly mischievous expression.)

* * *

><p>"As for what you're doing here…?" her tone rose to invite his explanation.<p>

He chuckled, obviously enjoying himself all too much. "Forgive me, when my master and our temporarily permanent guest both flew the coop, I got lonely. None of my other siblings are quite the company, you see. So I decided to follow them to the surface. I do hope you'll humor me, my dear." His smile became more malicious. "My master doesn't even know I'm here yet."

"I see…" Raine intoned, unsure of what to make of her newest guest.

"I'll be taking my leave now; I'll see you inside, then." He bowed one more time, purely for his enjoyment, and trotted off to the house.

The next car pulled up, and a man with unruly auburn hair and a serious, stoic expression rose. "Good evening," he said nonchalantly.

"No, this is impossible," Raine said, wide eyed. "Just how powerful is Lezareno?"

"Because I am supposed to be nine-hundred-billion miles away by now, am I not?" Kratos asked dryly.

* * *

><p>Kratos Aurion - 31<br>Mercenary  
>Meltokio<p>

**Kratos: **I must commend that man in black. His methods certainly are… potent, if extreme.

* * *

><p>"Your son is here too," Raine muttered.<p>

"He is?" Kratos sighed. "That does no bode well."

"You're gonna have to face him sooner or later. Go on then."

Eager for this whole charade to be over, Raine shooed Kratos on and ushered in the next carriage.

This one produced an eerily familiar young man with long tresses of blond hair and green eyes that lit up as soon as he saw her. He approached her, dressed in a white suit, with a multicolored scarf thrown over his shoulders, not the most fashionable choice.

"Hello, Raine!" he said cordially.

"Do I," Raine began, squinting, trying to place her déjà vu, "know you?"

"Of course, you do, silly. It's me, Mithos."

Raine nearly fell over.

* * *

><p>Mithos Yggdrasill - 26<br>Unemployed  
>Heimdall<p>

**Mithos: **I always really liked Raine when I was traveling around with their group. She's a nice, sweet, pretty, caring woman. (sighs and looks distant, refusing to say more)

* * *

><p>"This is the last straw!" Raine cried.<p>

"What?" Mithos asked, a childish curiosity painted on his face. "Is it because I look different? I made myself look 26, the perfect age-"

"You're supposed to be dead!"

"Oh, that," he said. "Love transcends death, you know."

"_What?" _Raine felt a shudder run through her.

"It was good talking with you. I look forward to getting to know you more." Mithos had an innocent smile on his face as he said this, and what unnerved Raine the most was that it actually looked genuine. The would-be genocidal overlord bounded up the steps like an excited child. Raine stared after him, at a loss for words and slightly frightened. At least he didn't seem insane anymore. Well, at least he seemed harmless.

Yet another carriage pulled up, and Raine groaned as she saw it. Whose company would she have to abide this time.

To her surprise, out stepped a well-groomed man in a stylish business suit. His wild blue hair had been tamed with a comb and a ribbon, and his serene blue eyes caught Raine's gaze and held it. "Hello, again." He smiled.

"Regal." Raine returned the expression. "I should have anticipated this is what Zelos meant when he told me you had a role to play in this production."

* * *

><p>Regal Bryant - 36<br>Lezareno Company President  
>Altamira<p>

**Regal: **I must say, the production is coming along rather nicely.

* * *

><p>"Indeed, I'm participating too."<p>

"But is that really wise?" Raine asked insightfully. "You are the president of the company putting on this show. People will accuse you of stacking the cards."

He nodded in agreement. "I have thought of that. But this really isn't something that you can, as you put it, 'stack.'"

"Plus, you met me at lunchtime, and you came to escort me from my home. What have you been planning Regal?" Raine accused, a sly grin on her face.

Regal took her teasing in a good-natured way. "Purely coincidence," he insisted. "I'll see you inside soon then; the next carriage is the last."

Raine felt a glimmer of relief. Soon this ridiculous charade would be over and done with. For the night anyway. Regal trekked up to the manor as the final carriage pulled up. The door opened, but no one got out.

"Please, don't make me go out there!" came a high-pitched and stressed voice. The carriage's occupant was apparently arguing with the driver. "No! No! Please!"

Raine found the voice all too familiar, and a black hole opened up in her stomach, swallowing any relief she had felt previously. As the carriages occupant lost his fight and was forced to emerge, Raine saw that her fear was confirmed.

The small boy crawled out, and shrank against the side of the carriage, mortified. He seemed to have been forced into his Sunday best, and his silvery white hair was tousled beyond help.

"Genis?" Raine cried.

"Raine!"

Raine's lips could barely form words. "But this is a-"

"I know!"

"And you're my-"

"_I know!"_

* * *

><p>Genis Sage - 15<br>Student  
>Iselia<p>

**Genis: **(intense silence; then: ) They put me in the wrong carriage! This guy comes to my house earlier today, asking me if I want to work on a television set, and then I find out the reason why my sister left this morning, and then-!

* * *

><p>"This is so messed up!" Genis doubled over a moment in emphasis. "Why did you sign up to do this, sis?"<p>

Raine felt her face flush, her temperature rise, and then she broke out into a cold sweat. Here she was, all glitzed up, participating in a _reality romance series_, and now she had been found out by her teenage brother. She did not know if she could be any more mortified than she was at that moment.

_I hope you won't regret it._ Regal's words came back to her.

"Let's- Let's just-" Letting her sentence hang, she grabbed her brother's shirt collar and dragged him up the stairs. "Forget this ever happened."

"I wish I could," he lamented.

Raine thrust open the door and shoved her brother in. Only it had slipped her mind that her role was not yet over.

Ten other males stood in the foyer of the mansion, excluding the cameraman. They all turned on her at once when she entered, and Raine's heart skipped a beat in panic.

"Ah! There's our Cool Beauty now! The one and only Bachelorette!" Zelos slid up next to her, and thrust something Raine believed was called a microphone under her chin. A camera rolled in for a close-up. "Tell us, Raine, what do you think of your contestants?" he proffered, his voice sounding full and boisterous, like a coliseum announcer. Raine could have laughed out loud at the irony of this simile.

"I-" Raine could not form words.

"Speechless, we see!" Zelos announced strangely in the third person. "Well, now we have all of our contestants assembled. They are, in no particular order: Yuan, Linar, Richter, Emil, Tenebrae, Lloyd, Kratos, Mithos, Regal and… what, Genis? Really? Well, if that's you're thing…" Zelos thrust his fist out to the camera. "Join us next time, love fans, for another riveting installment of Lezareno TV's _The Bachelorette!_"

There was a click, and the cameraman said, "Got it," and flashed a thumbs up.

Zelos walked off, chatting up the cameraman, probably about how he looked in the shot, leaving Raine alone in room with ten men staring across at her. The room was at a standstill

After an awkward silence Raine cleared her throat rather ineffectively "Well," she choked. _Oh Origin, what have I gotten myself into?_

* * *

><p><strong><em>Author Note:<em>** So? You like? How many contestants did you guess right? If you got Tenebrae's good for you. I was not originally going to include him, it was just a crazy idea I thought of literally two paragraphs before I wrote it, and was like "Heck! Why not!" He's such a fun little creeper. At least this way we have an even 10 contestants.

And if you're wondering about Linar's funky last name "Van Spoelendal" that was just something I had to make up on the fly. It's Dutch that translates loosely to "From the Wind Valley." Appropriate, I guess. I'll likely never use his "last name" again though.

Hope you enjoyed!


	4. Camera Mole

**Author Note: **Something about this story makes it so I can just keep writing and writing until the chapter is 10 pages long! (Well, almost ten pages) You know, I kinda have to thank E.C. for his persistant nagging about this story (and I mean that in the most affectionate way possible) It's kept me going. Thanks!

Now I know you all want to jump right into the dating aspect of this parody, but I have a few more things I have to take care of first, story-wise before we move on. Hope you'll find it entertaining and an appropriate substitute for the time being. Gives you more time to think up what kind of "dates" you want to see our Symphonians embarking upon. Group dates first. I'd love to hear your ideas...

Now let's get this show on the road, shall we? As always, please read, enjoy and review!

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><p><strong>~Chapter Four<strong>

Raine was frozen where she stood, the expectant eyes of ten men boring holes through her. Expectant of what? Any reaction would be nice right about now, but Raine's limbs had hardened to granite. Conversely, her mind raced.

She studied each of their familiar gazes, ranging from trace annoyance, to red-faced mortification, to even genuine expectancy. Not one of the so called "contestants" was someone she didn't know, some she had known for years. Not to mention her own brother mistakenly stood beside her, though she would have preferred to forget.

Now they'd been thrown into a dizzying new light as "romantic interests" for the sake of this tacky television production.

How many of them had come of their own volition and how many of them had been forced against their will? How many just wanted to grit their teeth and bear this ordeal, a stance that she herself took, and how many actually cared for her affections, something she was not sure she herself cared for. What was she supposed to think?

The friction caused by the frenzy of her brain cells gradually defrosted her lips. "Gentlemen." Slowly and deliberately she found herself saying, "Tonight's events have been… rather wearing, so I'm afraid I must retire for the evening." Her speech was distant and mechanical. "I will see you in the morning, good night…."

She reached beside her and grasped her brother's collar, his quiet protest as audible as the proverbial pin drop in the silence. The two of them trekked up the stairs, followed by heads on swivel-jointed necks. In moments, the door at the end of the hallway clicked shut.

"My," Tenebrae chuckled. "How awkward. You could cut the tension with a knife, couldn't you?"

Many of them glowered at the Centurion, before the redheaded 'host' appeared from around the corner, not bothering to gauge the mood of the room. "How about a round of drinks, on me!" Zelos announced. "This way to the bar!"

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><p>Raine pressed the door of her room shut tight and paused a moment, calming herself, muttering a wind spell to sound-proof the door. "Please tell me…" she murmured, but she knew she could not keep her voice low for long. The next moment, she rounded on her brother, her voice explosive. <em>"…why in the name of mana, you're here!"<em>

"I should ask you the same thing!" Genis retorted, his voice equally as loud. "You tell me you're going on a 'business trip, and then…"

"No, Genis," Raine urged, "_why _are you-"

"…and then some guy comes to our houses and asks me if I want to-"

"PLEASE SAY YOU ARE NOT A CONTESTANT!"

At this outburst Genis fell silent. "…I'm not a contestant," he confirmed after a pause.

Raine fell against the door in relief. "Thank mana…"

"I was _meant_," Genis began, "to be some kind of assistant to the director. But they put me in the wrong carriage, and I got paraded onto the set like I was a contestant. I am _not_ a contestant."

"Did you sign a contract?"

"Huh?"

"_Did you sign a contract_?"

Genis bit his lip and hesitated, like a child debating whether or not to tell his mother the embarrassing truth. "Yes."

"Then you're in the same predicament that I'm in." Silent and wraith-like, Raine drifted over to armchair in the corner and sank into it with uncomfortable recoil. "You may not be a contestant, but you can't leave until your contract is fulfilled." She said no more.

Genis stood awkwardly in the middle of the room. His eyes began to wander. "So. This is your room? What's up with all the rose petals?" When no answer came, he kept talking. "It's… nice. Looks… nice. You have a nice armchair. And a writing desk, and a little fireplace." He spun in place, naming things off. "A balcony, a big bed, a- Raine what is that?"

Raine tilted her head in the direction Genis indicated. In the corner of the room, there was a small, inconspicuous, mechanical box. A glass cylinder poked out from it, a lens, trained directly on the bed.

"Is that a camera?" Not a moment after the words left Genis' mouth, his sister was across the room in a flash, her staff in hand.

"_Photon_!" she shouted, and there was a mechanical hiss as the cameras sensors were overloaded. She then proceeded to violently bash the camera off the wall. It landed with a crash on the rose-covered carpet.

"Whoa! Raine!"

"_Sick, sick, disgusting, filthy, repulsive-!"_

"Hey! Calm down Raine! What's-" Then the notion of the camera's purpose occurred to Genis. "…Those revolting _bast-_!"

He was met with a clunk on the head from Raine's staff. "Watch your mouth Genis."

"Ow! But, Raine! Those… They-!"

"I am just as disgusted as you Genis, and believe me, I will give the one responsible a piece of my mind. But for right now, I want to get this the night over and done with and go to sleep. I suggest you do the same." She nudged her brother towards the door.

"Well alright then," Genis voluntarily opened the door. He stalled before going through it. "Just… just make sure there aren't any more cameras, before you…"

"Duly noted, Genis. Good night." Raine closed the door and gave a heavy sigh.

She spent the next ten minutes doing as her brother had suggested. Finding no more cameras, she cast a brilliant round of _Sacred Shine _for good measure, hoping to overload the displays of any that remained hidden.

She went into the bathroom to splash water in her face, batting a few petals out of the sink. She'd developed a splitting migraine from the evening's erratic and stressful events, her back and heels hurt from standing for nearly an hour in those ridiculous shoes and she did not think her mood could get any worse.

It was then that she noticed the tiny bouquet of Ashelia flowers that Linar had brought her sitting on the counter. Someone must have brought them up, because she had sworn she had left them outside.

The flower's properties came back to her. Very rare, and coveted for its cure-all properties, everything from physical to emotional trauma. Raine's eyes slid over to the bathtub. She could dissolve its essence in bathwater and have herself a nice relaxing soak. That's what Linar had meant, hadn't he?

Raine tugged the pins and clips out of her hair and let it fall. She tossed her wrap aside and headed towards the bath, loosening her dress' ties.

She stopped suddenly, clutching the slack dress to her chest. Her eyes swept around the room suspiciously. She hastily retied the dress and exited the room in a huff. _Not even going there._

In the unlikely case that she'd missed one, she didn't want to chance any camera's prying eye seeing her.

Instead, she returned to the bathroom with a ceramic mug she'd handily packed and filled it with tap water. It was better than nothing. She took up the tiny bouquet and the mug full of lukewarm water and went into the main room, setting them on the small table.

She wrapped her fingers around the mug and focused her mana on the water the mug contained. Under her influence, the molecules of water began to speed up, until steam rose from the mug.

She set the near-boiling cup aside. This was a trick she'd learned awhile ago; so much more convenient than waiting for a kettle to boil.

After this, she plucked off each of the flowers' petals, ripping them slightly, then tossed them into the steaming water. She produced a spoon from her suitcase as well, and prodded the petals as they steeped. Not soon after, she had herself a mug of mellow, aromatic and therapeutic tea. She drank it slowly, letting the warm liquid wash away her sour mood and her aches and pains.

Empty, she set the mug aside, feeling lulled and drowsy. She swayed over and sat down on the bed. Though it was probably not proper dress etiquette, she decided to sleep in it.

The one camera she had found laid in a pile of mechanical gore in the corner. She didn't know if it had any brethren watching. She would track down the sick individual responsible tomorrow. But for now, sleep.

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><p>She woke the next morning in a blissful haze of ignorance. Raine found herself burrowed into the soft, sweet-smelling silken sheets of a large bed. Gentle rays of morning light fluttered down on her pale skin through gossamer drapes. Little birds twittered on the balcony. She became aware of each sensation slowly.<p>

She would have liked to stay buried forever but force of habit caused her to rise. She took in the details of the unfamiliar room, her thoughts running with the consistency of honey. She wondered what kind of wonderful dreamland she'd woken up in.

Then just as slowly, a dark foreboding imposed on her dreamland. The download was complete when her eyes landed on the demolished camera on the floor.

With a harassed sigh, she ripped back the covers and went about getting ready for the day. She changed into a more casual outfit, and hung up the now thoroughly wrinkled dress. She pursed her lips; Astrid would surely be mad at her if she learned that she had slept in the fine dress. She was sure there were girls everywhere that would scold her for her disgraceful dress etiquette. She left the dress hanging on the mantle.

That done, she gathered up the camera bits in a bath towel, ready to go to court with it. She exited the room, leaving the dream behind and reentering the nightmare.

She made her way down to the foyer surprised at how empty the mansion felt. She came across no servants buzzing about the halls, though she was grateful she hadn't run into any of the Contestants.

It occurred to her that she had no idea where she was supposed to go. Nearly ten doors jutted off from the foyer, and she felt the sting of irony when she realized that Zelos had given her a tour of the place just yesterday.

She swiveled around, trying to use logic to pick the door that would deliver her where she needed to be, wherever that was. She bit her lip.

There was a _shff_ behind her that sent her reeling so quickly that she almost dropped the bundle of camera bits. The leaves of the potted tree behind her had rustled of their own accord. No, there was a man standing behind it. He stepped out into the open wearing an apologetic look.

To Raine's great relief, it was not one of the Contestants. It wasn't even anyone she knew.

"Oh, hello there," she gasped. "You startled me."

The man bowed his head a bit, his eyes traveling to the floor. He appeared to be of Mizuhoan lineage. His dark turquoise hair was tied in a short ponytail and angled eyebrows sat above sharp, narrow eyes. He stood over Raine, fairly taller than she, and wore an austere black suit, though the way he wore it looked more serious and professional than Zelos' 'boring host getup.'

As formidable as the man appeared, there was a warmth in his brown eyes as he looked up at Raine; there was an expectancy that reminded Raine of a Labrador. He had yet to say a word.

"Um… yes well…" Raine blanched. "I…"

The man tilted his head an indicated the bundle in Raine's arms.

"Oh, this? This is…" She unwrapped the busted camera parts, her strong feelings of disgust came back to her. "I found this in my room last night and I am appalled! I demand to know whose idea it was to put a camera in my bedroom and give him a piece of my mind." She glared at the man. "It wasn't _you_ was it?"

The man didn't seem to hear her accusation. He picked up a few of the loose gizmos and studied them for a long moment.

Raine chewed her lip; his silence had diffused her rage. She asked meekly, "I wonder if you might show me where I'm supposed to be?"

He looked up from the camera bits and smiled as he nodded. He helped her wrap up the evidence again and beckoned her into one of the many side doors. He said nothing the entire way, but he walked beside her through the many corridors and cordially rushed forward at each door to open it for her.

Eventually the hallway emptied out into a grand dining room. Here there were maids and butlers fluttering about making up the table in freshly polished and expensive-looking silverware, bringing out banquet-worthy breakfast dishes. An overly extravagant crystal chandelier hung from above.

"Ah, Raine! Glad you're up!" Zelos approached them dressed in a luxurious deep purple robe. Silk pajama pants were visible at his shins and his feet were stuffed into slippers. He looked comfortable to say the least.

"I see you've met Mr. Kurtis," Zelos said nodding to the man beside Raine. "He's our head of security."

"Oh, so that's who this is," Raine mused aloud as she turned to regard Kurtis. He bowed slightly.

"Heh." Zelos smirked. "He's not much of a talker. But I'm sure you know that already."

Kurtis motioned to the bundle in Raine's arms. "Oh." Raine unwrapped it once again. "I don't suppose you have anything to say about this, do you Zelos?"

Zelos frowned; he reached out and prodded the fragments. "What's this crap? A broken camera?"

"I found it, still intact, in my room," Raine supplied, "pointed at my _bed. _Care to explain?" Had she arms to spare, she would have folded them, instead she made due with a stern look.

"Huh. You think I would do that?" Zelos burst out laughing. Raine was not amused. She exchanged an annoyed look with Kurtis.

"I don't do that kind of thing, Raine!" Zelos insisted once he'd recovered. He added in a lecherous undertone. "Not that I've never used a camera in my day…"

Suddenly Zelos staggered back, courtesy of a swift blow to the head from Kurtis.

"Mr. Kurtis!" Raine cried, astonished.

"Hey hey hey!" Zelos exclaimed, clutching his reddening cheek. "Don't forget who's paying you, bud!"

Kurtis stood with his arms folded, stoically staring down his employer.

"Alright, alright. Not in front of a lady. Geez…" He rubbed his head once more, then drew his hand back and looked at it, as if checking for blood.

Raine stared at the security guard, wondering if somehow exchanging glances had influenced him to strike Zelos; it had been just what she wished she could do. She tried to keep the edge of her mouth from tugging into a smirk.

"Anyway, Raine, I don't put cameras in my guest rooms," Zelos continued. "I respect your privacy. Though this does make me a bit concerned… Chuck!" He called across the room. "Chuck, come over here!"

A young man with unruly orange hair stuffed into a red baseball cap approached. Chuck, like their host, was dressed casually for breakfast. He wore plaid pajama pants and a gray tank top, making Kurtis look horribly overdressed.

"Yeah? What is it?" he asked.

"Know anything about this?" Zelos indicated the bundle still in Raine's arms.

"Huh? Uh…" He glanced over the pieces, prodded a few, then said, "It's not one of mine. Why's it broken?"

"I found it in my room," Raine growled in a low tone.

"Oh, that's just wrong," Chuck muttered, scratching his stubbly chin; it appeared he had not yet shaved.

"Anyway, Raine, this is Chuck the camera guy," Zelos said, "You probably remember him from yesterday. You weren't introduced."

Raine offered her hand. "It's nice to meet you. Chuck."

He took it. "Pleasure's all mine." He leaned forward slightly. "Hey listen. I'm in charge of all the cameras, but I'm a good guy, so if there's anything you don't want me to film or you don't want to make the final cut, just let me know. I take requests."

"That's very reassuring."

He winked, then straightened his back and rubbed his hands together. "Now let's go get our grub on!" The cameraman turned around and approached the extravagant breakfast table.

"Well said!" Zelos agreed. "C'mon Raine. You can sit right next to me!" He grinned, as if this was a great honor.

Raine had become accustomed to ignoring things like this. "Will Mr. Kurtis be joining-" Turning, she found that the security guard had vanished.

Zelos threw an arm around Raine, guiding her towards the breakfast table. "Don't worry. He does that. You'll get used to it."

"Before," Raine started, "when he hit you…"

"Aw, that was nothing. Compared to what Sheena used to do to me anyway. He does that all the time. Just trying to get his point across since he hardly ever talks."

"Can he speak? I have my doubts." Raine carefully deposited her mechanical package on the table.

"Oh yeah. He's capable of it. I've never heard him talk though. Makes him more mysterious that way, don't you think?"

Raine didn't reply. Zelos pulled out a chair for her, she sat down. Across the table she noticed Seles and Astrid engaged in a lively conversation. Rather, lively on Astrid's part; Seles just listened, as silent as Tokunaga, who stood at the ready behind her. Chuck the camera guy, on the other side of Astrid, was wasting no time tearing into the breakfast rolls. Much to Raine surprise, she also found Genis, helping himself to the sumptuous meal. She caught his eye and they exchanged a wordless greeting.

Raine noticed that only half of the long banquet table was made up for a meal, only about eight placings.

"Will the Contestants be joining us for breakfast?" she asked Zelos cautiously, nodding for a server to fill her glass with orange juice.

Zelos was filling his place with a hearty slice of quiche. "Nope. They're in the dinner hall on the other side of the manner. This is the breakfast room."

Raine thought of her own home, where the kitchen was the dining room, and the table barely had room for two. "I didn't know it mattered what room you ate each meal in," she muttered sourly.

"Its just another way us rich people like to waste our money," Zelos said, smirking into his cup of coffee. "We're having them eat separately today because we don't have the cameras rolling yet. Can't having any of them getting a head start wooing you over breakfast now can we?"

If Zelos was aware of Raine's annoyance, he was taking full advantage of it.

Just then, the doors at the end of the hall burst open, and a loud, boisterous voice rang through the room, catching the ears of all the servers and patrons therein. "I'm so sorry I've arrived _unpunctually_!" A stout, round man appeared in the doorway. "I assure you, I'm quite _contrite_!" The fat man shambled to the table as the servers went back to their duties. His bald head shone like a cue ball when he came directly under the chandelier's light.

"Ah Zelos! My good man! What a _regalement_ you've assembled!"

"Hey, Theo," Zelos said, with a fraction of the enthusiasm. There was an awkwardly long pause before Zelos noisily got to his feet and introduced them. "Raine, this is the director. You didn't get to meet him yesterday." He sank back down.

The director took Raine's hand and shook it vigorously. "A joy to rendezvous with you, _my lamb_." His lips seemed too small for his grin, and he wore tiny round-lensed smoked glasses, giving him a mole-like appearance. "I am Theodorakus Thesaurakus Mimzy III. You may address me as 'Theo.'" He only release her hand after he'd finished reciting his ridiculously long name.

"I'm Raine," she muttered, not bothering to hid the distain in her voice.

"Oh Raine!" He exclaimed suddenly. "What a lovely name! How pure! How empyrean! How hydraulic! How effervescent!" He winked. "That means 'beautiful,' lamb."

"No it doesn't…"

"Well, I apologize that I must _ingest and abscond_…"

Raine tried to make sense of this man's strange mannerisms. "Did he really say my name was 'hydraulic?" she asked Zelos in a whisper.

"…but I have massive amounts of drudgery to get to before this afternoon's shoot." He loaded a plate full of heaping helpings of everything. As he was doing so, he spied Genis, and crossed over to him. "Ah! Ready to go to work later, my auxiliary!" He patted him on the head. "That means 'helper,'" he offered. Genis went red in the face and sunk into his chair.

"I know what it means…"

Theo laughed uproariously before spying the bundle wrapped in a bath towel sitting on the table. "What's this?" He tugged open the bundle, as if he might have thought it was food. "Oh," he muttered at his contents. His voice was suddenly surprisingly quiet, and a hush had come over the rest of the room. The all watched Theo. "It's broken," he murmured. "How did my camera get here…?"

Everyone exchanged glances, but no one said anything. They watched in silence as Theo gathered up the bundle with his overflowing plate of food and shambled out of the room, muttering long and incomprehensible words.


	5. Director's Cuts

**Author Note: **Because I simply could not finish this scene at the time, I now have this little chapter stubbie that has no real place in the story. It's supposed to happen halfway through the last chapter, namely just after Raine leaves the Contestants in the foyer and Zelos ushers them into the bar room. Awkward placing, I know, but I thought I should give you guys something, if anything. Thus I've dubbed it "The Director's Cuts" But no, the name has nothing to do with the in-story director. I'M the director of this fic. So I've stuck this little chapterlet in here anyway. Hope you like it. ;)

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><p>While Raine was preparing to end her evening, downstairs, things were rather lively.<p>

Zelos had ushered all his guests into the tea room. Though it was called a tea room, not a single drop of it was found anywhere therein. Everyone had pulled up a chair to the long and expensive looking granite counter. Tokunaga stood silently behind the counter, waiting with baited breath to take the next drink order.

He was framed by large cherry wood cabinets and shelves, stocked as full as they could be with everything from whiskey and gin, to Mizuho potion and 150-year-old Iselian wine. It seemed the master of the mansion had a great appreciation for alcohol.

"You really forgive me?" Kratos asked, staring into his son's round brown eyes. His flat tone betrayed nothing of his incredulity.

"Of course," Lloyd affirmed. "I mean, you're my dad. Of course I forgive you. I'm just glad to have you back." He smiled sincerely.

Kratos turned back to the bar. "That was…" he began, "much easier than I thought it would be." Kratos had always thought that any reunion he might have with his son, however unlikely, would have been much more dramatic and long coming, and if it had been written down in a book, have taken several chapters of angst-ridden plot-development. It seemed that this would not be the case.

From the other side of Lloyd, Yuan piped up. "Don't blame you Kratos." He took another swig from his glass of gin, his fourth. "If you were my dad, and you'd been missing all my life, then just randomly showed up one day, lied about who you were, treated me like crap, stabbed me in the back, and then left for no logically sound reason, yeah, I'd be kinda pissed at you. Lucky for you, you have this dimwit for a son." He finished his glass "Lucky you."

Both father and son glowered at him. "Yep." Yuan's voice echoed out of his glass as he took in the twin glares. "You're related."

"It's good to see you too, Mithos," Genis, who had been marshaled into the drinking room as well, admitted. "But how are you _here_?" He sat at the counter, his feet dangling from his seat, a glass of milk resting in front of him. He stared at his friend with a forced pleasant expression, refusing to look anywhere else. It felt like if he did, Mithos would suddenly revert to his old ways and try to render everyone in the room a robotic vegetable by violent means.

"You're sister asked just the same thing," Mithos said, amused. He didn't offer any explanation beyond that.

"Uh-huh…" Genis cautiously tilted his head and took a drink, his eyes still not leaving their mark. It was so surreal. He looked like a younger Yggdrassil, but was acting like Mithos. No, even more innocent.

"I'm really excited about spending more time with Raine," the blond said offhandedly.

"You… are?" Genis quirked an eyebrow.

"Yeah. I mean, she's so smart. She's strong. She's beautiful." He sighed and rested his head on his palm, staring off into space. "Your sister's quite a woman. I guess I've always had a little bit of a crush on her."

"Uh-huh…" Genis' face reddened. Hearing his best friend suddenly confess feelings for his older sister made him _very_ uncomfortable. He coughed and turned his head, refusing to make eye contact anymore.

"Dammit Tenebrae, I told you to stay at home!" Ratatosk bellowed, slamming down his empty glass of bourbon.

Tenebrae chuckled, not showing any shame at all. "What fun would that be?"

"Fun?! I'll tell you about 'fun' young man! When I was-" Suddenly the blond's eyes shifted to green. He swiveled his head to his right to face the man who sat next to him, silently sipping a martini.

"So, um, Richter," Emil peeped. The older man acknowledged him with a flash of his eyes. "I, um-"

His eyes flared up again. "Kid, in case you didn't notice, I'm trying to scold my offspring here." Ratatosk jerked his head back to Tenebrae. "Where was I? …I left you in charge because you're the oldest, Tenebrae! You're supposed to be the responsible one; you're supposed to look after your little brothers and sisters! But now, oh for the love of the Great Tree, I bet Aqua and Tonitrus are going to try and kill each other again. And Solum, he'll keep picking on Glaucius until she cries-"

"Solum is a girl this week, Master," Tenebrae corrected.

"What really?" Ratatosk asked. Discussing the gender of his shape shifting offspring distracted him from his rage for the moment. "I thought he just turned into a boy again."

"She was a girl when I left."

Ratatosk shook his head violently. "Hey! Quit changing the subject! You're in big trouble-"

"I can assure you, Master," Tenebrae chided, pausing to take a sip of wine, "that you're more likely to get into trouble than any of my siblings. I'm here to look out for you. You see? I am being responsible."

"Quit being such a smart-"

His eyes snapped back to a leafy green... "Richter, I-"

"Oh no you don't!" …and then to red. "Chat with your boyfriend later, I'm busy here!"

Richter choked, nearly sputtering his martini onto the bar counter. Clearing his throat, he tried to seem nonchalant, but his face began to color profusely. He hoped that nobody would notice.

"It was so large, I'd never seen anything like it!" Linar exclaimed.

"…That's what she said." Zelos muttered under his breath.

"To this day, I've never discovered a larger or more ornate burial chamber of a Balacruf King."

"…Your mom's a Balacruf king." Zelos murmured into his glass of scotch.

Behind the counter, Tokunaga's glass polishing hand paused a moment. He continued, glowering at the former Chosen.

Eyes shining, Linar continued. "I think it might even be the burial chamber of the great King Cleo the Younger!"

"Fascinating," Regal said, borrowing the expression from a certain professor. "You know, I've done a bit of spelunking myself."

"…Between the sheets," Zelos giggled.

"Sir," Tokunaga whispered to him severely. "I do not think your manner befits that of a suitable host. Its downright childish."

"Oh c'mon," the master of the house moaned. "It's after hours now. Time to loosen up. 'Specially since I got stuck here at the end of the bar next to _these two_."

'Those two' were so enraptured in the sharing of their experiences that the didn't notice when Zelos referred to them.

Tokunaga's stern look didn't waver.

Sighing, Zelos pushed his dry glass of ice forward. "Fine. But if I gotta sit here listening to these two eggheads yap about _spelunking_ in silence, you better pour me another one. It's gonna be a long night."


End file.
